Stress is at an all-time high. Looking around you begin to wonder if the frog that has been in a slowly warming pot realizes that the danger is real and just lacks the tools to get out?
As coaches, mentors, and consultants you help you find answers to the most important questions about yourself and your loved ones. Having these questions answered is important for your heart to heal forward.
Part of the answer is always the same. It is not shocking, it is not new, it is just that people often think they are already doing it, or that doing it is a one-time thing. For whatever reason, what you have found is that it is difficult to cherish yourself healthfully and consistently. And it is far easier to let distractions move you away from your core values.
The world is very loud right now. Never before has it felt like every decision you make is such a vital one. This long-term stress is not good for you, or anyone. Stress magnifies a person’s codependent or narcissistic motives and moves them from far away from their stated values, such as love and respect, and shifts their actions to control or abandonment in order to meet a perceived need for safety.
The funny thing is so few people stop to think about what it is they are perceiving because their brains have been wired to make those decisions automatically, and they have forgotten how to feel their feelings and make sense out of them before they react. Just look around–many people are acting before they are thinking.
The only way you can cherish yourself and develop the skills to shift from feeling controlled to feeling peace and from feeling abandoned to feeling joy so you can do your best for your loved ones is to get really good at feeling your emotions and speaking your truth in love.
Speaking your truth in love is easily seen as clear leadership. The kind of leadership that makes you proud to follow because it is authentic and not self-serving. The kind of leadership Dr. Amy Acton has been doing for Ohio’s response to the Covid-19 crisis.
The path to self-cherishing and building better communities means grieving the losses, forgiving the people around the stress and pain, so you can stand firm on the values you state for ourselves. I found myself being overwhelmed, depressed, and feeling generally afraid. Not only is this virus super complicated and if not handled well worldwide, potentially fatal, but the political system is also broken! Somehow this translates to people feeling justified in their rude behavior.
I will be honest with you… Prior to doing much of this work, I would have been suicidal. Luckily, Marla and I have worked with the tools we have been teaching for nearly thirty years, and the work has paid off bigtime. Allowing the hard emotions to be simply feelings and not a statement of my value allows me to see things clearer and appreciate the many gifts we have. The anger that was leveled at me for having an opinion when I was a kid was shocking especially since the fear that is behind this anger could have been managed so much better. Forgiving those with no manners does not mean taking any crap; it means learning how to set healthy boundaries and learning how to communicate better in general.
It is imperative to learn to communicate better so that you can once again hold true to the values you all hold dear. Those values are truth, justice, and liberty for all. Let’s band together and rebuild from this current crisis by learning a new way of communicating.
If you need help on how to get started contact us and you will get you the resources you need to get started on the best values clarification exercise you have ever experienced and–surprise!–it starts with cherishing yourself. Best of all, you can do this for free with just a little guidance.
Let’s fight the extreme rise of stress by learning to communicate so well, so powerfully that everyone feels heard!
Marla and Jami
Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.
Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)