Are You & Your Partner Sexually Compatible?


By Ben Ellsworth

It seems in our society that the sexual compatibility you have with someone is a more important criterion for getting involved in a relationship than anything else. 

I have been asked by others on whether or not my wife and I are sexually compatible. Really? The four children we have isn’t proof that we are sexually compatible? I’ve also had people say to me that before getting married, they want to move in with their partner simply to discover if they are sexually compatible. I am seriously blown away by both of those statements!

Sexual intimacy is, obviously, a VERY important part of a happy, successful relationship. But making that the determining factor on committing to a relationship the sexual compatibility you have with someone? Absurd. 

I was recently researching some topics on improving relationships and was dumbfounded when I ran across four different websites, all claiming to be owned and operated by relationship “experts.” All four of these sites advocated the viewing of pornography as a way to improve your sex life. With all of the evidence available as to the detrimental effects of pornography on relationships, and, especially, the human mind, I wonder why any “expert” would recommend such a thing.

Any time we look to something outside of ourselves to provide the satisfaction, love, fulfillment, self-worth, etc., we are asking for trouble 
(Tweet This). Just ask drug and alcohol addicts how well that works for them. 

If bringing in something from outside our relationship is going to bring us the sexual satisfaction we are seeking, then why not bring in other people? What’s one more girl, or one more guy? How about five or ten other people? The more the merrier, right?

Nothing from outside your relationship can fix your relationship! Even as coaches, we provide guidance, but the work MUST be done within the individual relationship.

I am sure we’re all familiar with the cliché phrase, “Sex gets better with age.” Just like with anything else in a serious committed relationship, things improve as you learn and grow together. Sex (if it’s not great now) can get better as you learn more about your partner and what he or she likes.  Sex can get better if you’re willing to give, as well as receive. Most importantly, sex WILL get better if you develop a deep connection and level of intimacy. 

Want to improve your sex life? There are no pills or magic remedies. All you need to do is improve your emotional connection.

One of the best side effects of improving your emotional connection with your partner, is that you will drastically improve your level of intimacy and PHYSICAL connection. In short, your emotional connection will lead to mind-blowing sex with your partner. 

So, here are some keys that will allow you to drastically improve your level of emotional connection with your significant other:

1 – Check In. Checking in is the process of sitting privately with your partner, and, while using “I” language, which enables the partners to take ownership of their own thoughts and feelings, speaking openly about what they think, feel and want. Open and honest communication done in a safe, non-threatening way will improve your level of connection more than anything else.

2 Hugs and Kisses. It has been proven scientifically that 20-second hugs and 6-second kisses increases the levels of oxytocin in your body. Oxytocin is known as the “bonding hormone” and higher levels of this in your blood can have drastic impacts on the level of connection you have with your partner. Spend a few extra seconds in your kisses and hugs, and watch, or rather, feel, your connection get stronger.

3 Couples Yoga. Working together with your partner in specific poses not only builds lean muscle (yay!) but, more importantly, builds trust. The amount of trust you develop in supporting and being supported by your partner is incomparable to anything else. Build that trust and know that your emotional connection is being strengthened beyond measure.

These tools may seem simple, but they actually are extremely powerful ways to drastically improve your relationship. So, despite what the so-called “experts” promote on their sites, pornography is not the answer to improving your sex life. Work on your level of emotional connection and watch how awesome your relationship becomes in the bedroom. THAT is the answer!

Why You Are Your Own Soulmate 


By Ariel Minter

While I was scrolling through my newsfeed, my attention was taken by this short film by Glen Keane (respected animator who has worked for Disney). For only 3 minutes and 43 seconds, it tells a beautiful story.

I couldn’t help but think how wonderful it would be if we all sort of stumbled upon our soul-mates. Most people would explain that is what happened when they met their “person”. 

In some fashion, it does happen that way. I also believe that time is a huge component. I believe that you meet the right person when you are in a place of peace with who you are. 

Amazing people walk through the lives of others constantly. I have purposefully and accidentally let these people out of my life because I wasn’t in a place to either:

a. See them for the positive impact they could bring me, or
b. I was too busy wrapped up in the “wrong”

I guess you could mix and match both A and B, but regardless, your soulmate is likely a product of timing, not necessarily two souls that were destined to be together. I think there is a line in the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” where a frantic middle aged woman is going over the horror of “What if my soulmate was born in India, and I never go to India?” 

Out of almost 8 billion people in this world, that is a daunting thought. 

So, this is why I think that you are your own soulmate. When you are able to love and care for yourself wholeheartedly is typically when the right person (who has done the same for themselves) will walk into your life. 

Becoming your own soulmate is challenging, because our world is so very full of things and people telling us we aren’t worthy. It is far too easy to believe them. 

You are worthy. And that is a beautiful love story. 

Is Your Blood Trying to Tell You Something?


By Ariel Minter

I recently read an interesting article that brought attention the “Blood Type Diet,” created by naturopath Peter J. D’Adamo.

Now, I have not personally participated in it, but I thought the proposed concept was fascinating. The methodology behind it is pretty simple; live a lifestyle that best fits the foundation of your DNA. 

For example, persons with the blood type O are considered the descendants of cavemen. They thrive on high-intensity work outs, and are better off without eating too much dairy or grains. Those who are blood type A are the descendants of Ancient Farmers, and it is believed that the same intense workouts that pump up O’s actually create more cortisol (the stress-hormone) for Type A’s.

How much of our DNA impacts our daily decisions, and the relationships we make? 

I believe it is a fairly even split between nature vs. nurture. A lot of our conscious behavior is based in the nurturing we received. Most of our unconscious behavior comes from nature (i.e. our flight or fight response in the amygdala). 

There are hundreds and thousands of personality tests and quizzes. In just a few questions, they claim to be able to have a brief summary of exactly who you are. I love taking these things, even though most of it seems like surface level rubbish with little science behind the answer.

If your blood-type can dictate what’s best for you eat and how you exercise, who’s to say that it doesn’t (even if it is just on a very small scale) effect the chemistry between two people? 

Regardless of how it impacts our interactions with one another, I think it is important to be aware of how something as core and basic as blood-type can effect what you do. 

Life is not one-size-fits-all; there will always be exceptions. True power and joy resides in understanding yourself.

How well do you know yourself? It’s a journey, take (and enjoy) your time answering that question.