You always want to save yourself. If anyone tries to save you, you’ll walk away faster than anyone will be able to bank a memory. You do the saving in your life. You will save the world.
And then you’ll save yourself.
….from loneliness by rationalization. From anger by an outlet. By love from the past. From being too happy (God Forbid). And you’ll claim to love freely and laugh often but really those feelings are far too muffled to be considered enough. And you get too angry sometimes for an outlet and there are depths of loneliness that don’t require rationalization.
You bought the idea that all girls needed a savior and all boys could be charming in their own need to be saved. You bought into being needed, in order to give yourself any validation.
People ask you for help, well ask away. It’s what gives you meaning.
You will accomplish it all on your own. You won’t ask for help. Apparently, to you, there is some sort of weakness in asking for anything. So everyone else is allowed to ask. But if you do, you’re weak. You’re losing. Losing against this false opinion you’ve built for myself.
And now is when you realize you haven’t really been living at all if you haven’t allowed yourself to be rescued sometimes. That (“How can someone really live if they’ve never been vulnerable enough to breathe?”), because you already know the answer (“You can’t.”).
So you learn to love more than just the idea of something. And here you are. Asking for the same love and attention you give. And you get it. And keep getting it. Because you’re finally asking for something in return. And it’s too beautiful to question. Because. Because. Because.
Because you are learning to love your weakness. Not because it remains the same, but because you are learning, and WILLING, to be vulnerable enough to breathe for yourself. Because you will let yourself be saved, instead of doing the saving all the time.
Because you’re worthy of it all.