Are You & Your Partner Sexually Compatible?


By Ben Ellsworth

It seems in our society that the sexual compatibility you have with someone is a more important criterion for getting involved in a relationship than anything else. 

I have been asked by others on whether or not my wife and I are sexually compatible. Really? The four children we have isn’t proof that we are sexually compatible? I’ve also had people say to me that before getting married, they want to move in with their partner simply to discover if they are sexually compatible. I am seriously blown away by both of those statements!

Sexual intimacy is, obviously, a VERY important part of a happy, successful relationship. But making that the determining factor on committing to a relationship the sexual compatibility you have with someone? Absurd. 

I was recently researching some topics on improving relationships and was dumbfounded when I ran across four different websites, all claiming to be owned and operated by relationship “experts.” All four of these sites advocated the viewing of pornography as a way to improve your sex life. With all of the evidence available as to the detrimental effects of pornography on relationships, and, especially, the human mind, I wonder why any “expert” would recommend such a thing.

Any time we look to something outside of ourselves to provide the satisfaction, love, fulfillment, self-worth, etc., we are asking for trouble 
(Tweet This). Just ask drug and alcohol addicts how well that works for them. 

If bringing in something from outside our relationship is going to bring us the sexual satisfaction we are seeking, then why not bring in other people? What’s one more girl, or one more guy? How about five or ten other people? The more the merrier, right?

Nothing from outside your relationship can fix your relationship! Even as coaches, we provide guidance, but the work MUST be done within the individual relationship.

I am sure we’re all familiar with the cliché phrase, “Sex gets better with age.” Just like with anything else in a serious committed relationship, things improve as you learn and grow together. Sex (if it’s not great now) can get better as you learn more about your partner and what he or she likes.  Sex can get better if you’re willing to give, as well as receive. Most importantly, sex WILL get better if you develop a deep connection and level of intimacy. 

Want to improve your sex life? There are no pills or magic remedies. All you need to do is improve your emotional connection.

One of the best side effects of improving your emotional connection with your partner, is that you will drastically improve your level of intimacy and PHYSICAL connection. In short, your emotional connection will lead to mind-blowing sex with your partner. 

So, here are some keys that will allow you to drastically improve your level of emotional connection with your significant other:

1 – Check In. Checking in is the process of sitting privately with your partner, and, while using “I” language, which enables the partners to take ownership of their own thoughts and feelings, speaking openly about what they think, feel and want. Open and honest communication done in a safe, non-threatening way will improve your level of connection more than anything else.

2 Hugs and Kisses. It has been proven scientifically that 20-second hugs and 6-second kisses increases the levels of oxytocin in your body. Oxytocin is known as the “bonding hormone” and higher levels of this in your blood can have drastic impacts on the level of connection you have with your partner. Spend a few extra seconds in your kisses and hugs, and watch, or rather, feel, your connection get stronger.

3 Couples Yoga. Working together with your partner in specific poses not only builds lean muscle (yay!) but, more importantly, builds trust. The amount of trust you develop in supporting and being supported by your partner is incomparable to anything else. Build that trust and know that your emotional connection is being strengthened beyond measure.

These tools may seem simple, but they actually are extremely powerful ways to drastically improve your relationship. So, despite what the so-called “experts” promote on their sites, pornography is not the answer to improving your sex life. Work on your level of emotional connection and watch how awesome your relationship becomes in the bedroom. THAT is the answer!