by Jami Keller
Life tends to grind into a place where we can feel disconnected and hurt by the disappointment we have in most relationships. This question came up the other day: Is there anyone important to you who has not disappointed you?
It’s a simple task, to name those in our lives who may have disappointed us in some way. It should follow that it would be just as easy to think of someone who has not. And yet, the only answer we received back was: the one person they felt had never let them down was their own parent.
When it comes to disappointment (the reality is) the only thing worse than an abusive parent is having a ‘perfect parent,’ because it is impossible to live up to such a standard.
Q: So then, what is the difference between those that we get along with and those we carry hurt from?
A: An ability to forgive and get past that disappointment.
This is easier for some than others. It is nearly impossible when we are hanging onto a bunch of disappointments, because with our fists clenched in pain (hurt, anger, frustration, hostility, confusion and shame) there is little of value we are able to hold. We not only help you find your strengths (worthiness, empowerment, healthy pride, trust, confidence) – we lead you to your giftedness.
It takes a considerable amount of discipline to make the shift necessary to live free, and in relief from the pain. And yes, you have what it takes if you are given the right path.
I know, from some long and hard-fought bad experiences, that trying to do this by yourself does not work. We are literally designed to work in community. Without mentors and support we find ourselves in this rut of disappointment, hurt and frustration.
We call this the ‘merry-go-round’ where we swirl around the same old feelings which are attached to our failing patterns. Usually the pattern of disappointment is caused by hanging on too long, to things in the past.
The following is a brutal (yet illustrative) scene from the TV show Mad Men. It’s about interpersonal relationships and conflict. The junior employee is upset and finally says he feels sad for his superior. Don’s response is “I don’t think about you at all.”
While I would never suggest Don Draper as an example of someone who has good relationships, the comment gives us a clue about attachment and giving our power away. We don’t have to give our power away, and choosing what to focus on is vital. So, finding our giftedness is vital because it is so easy to get distracted into feeling bad about things that don’t really matter.
“When we live in our giftedness we learn to ask for what we truly want, in powerfully sincere and congruent ways – which in turn leads to life fulfillment.” And asking for help is truly your first step.
Getting off the merry-go-round takes a bit of work, but in the end, you will be charge of your own journey! Passion Provokers is here to help you find your place of power, peace and joy. Give us a call now at 208.853.8888.
Marla and Jami
Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.
Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)