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Forgiveness Frees!

3/5/2018

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by Jami Keller

The first and most subtle realization when you choose to forgive is the awareness that you are the creator of your own prison and have locked yourself in a cage all the while holding the key. The overarching result of forgiveness is complete power over what you feel by your free choice, being released.
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Forgiveness is for the forgiver first, those they love second, and lastly for the forgiven. Everyone around the forgiver feels their heartwave of love and empathy at a subconscious level. This gives you the best chance for excellent communication with your partner and everyone else around you. Communication is based on the feeling/s in the atmosphere, and your words can conflict with your heartwave, making communication much more difficult. Forgiveness heals and allows congruence between your words (the story you are telling yourself and others) and your heart’s intention.

This is why couples often have big fights over insignificant situations. There is a power and control conflict, and it is about something unforgiven in both partners’ pasts, mostly before they met. Marla and I experienced this in the fight we keep having over and over again, particularly over the past four years. Our hearts conflicted our old shame, and we triggered each other. We both had a “story” to back our position and would rather be “right than in relationship.” So the underlying conflict did not go away, and these regular arguments sometimes ended in yelling and doors slamming until we forgave our core shame.

Here are the three bullet points that have made all the difference in the last eighteen of our nearly 30+ year marriage.
  • Tracking your feelings as we talked about in the previous blog, Forgiveness Loves;
  • Finding your three core Northside feelings on the Feeling Wheel;
  • And allowing these feelings to be real and felt and choose to forgive them and their source. You will be lighter, more focused and begin to see more solutions, ending fights before they even get started.
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​You’ve got this!*

*If you are feeling uncertain about how to move forward in the area of forgiveness please don't hesitate to contact us and we'll give you tips and tools for moving forward. 


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    Marla and Jami

    Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.

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    Ariel Minter

    Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)

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"I was discouraged to discover that the local marriage counselors I was sending my patients to were recommending divorce within the first two visits. I am an advocate for healing--both for the couples and their children. When one of my patients who had been on the verge of divorcing her husband told me they had discovered a couple who coach together and save relationships 97% of the time I immediately began recommending Jami and Marla! They have proven to me over and over again that relationships are fixable including those on the brink of collapse. I highly recommend Jami and Marla."
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  • Home
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    • Spicin’ It Up Couple’s Retreats >
      • February 10-12 Spicin’ It Up Couple’s Retreats
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  • Who We Are & FAQs
    • Tips and Tools >
      • Feeling Wheel
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