by Ariel Minter
I’ve recently discovered that I am a chronic word-vomiter.
This realization occurred to me after I had an argument with my husband. Now, this was not an earth-shattering, World War 3 fighting by any means. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was over a light being left on in the bathroom.
Immediately after this fairly mediocre “conversation”, I wanted to call my Mom, my sister, my best friends…really anyone who was willing to listen to me, to tell them how ridiculous this was. Even though it was a tiny thing, I was frantically calling everyone to just have someone to tell.
Now, I don’t know how good I am at dealing with analyzing my own bizarre behavior, but I am convinced that I do this not out of seeking support, but to simply get an opinion on if I was being completely ridiculous or if I had a good reason to argue.
I’ve realized I’ve taught myself how to do this word-vomit instead of listening to my own intuition. Not only have I learned that, but I have also taken on this obsession with it. It’s like it is the only thing in my brain until I can vent about it to at least a couple of my closest friends.
There are some pretty basic problems with this pattern. First, what happens between my husband and I needs to be sacred. There is nothing wrong with venting or talking about a situation, but it is not appropriate to be a word-vomiter every time someone forgets to switch off a light.
Second, it is not okay to completely disregard my own intuition. I may not have all the answers, but I am certainly competent enough to process a situation as trivial as a passionate “conversation”.
And lastly, something like this should NOT encompass every thought I have until there is resolution. It is so extremely important to be able to handle conflict without dropping everything that is in your hands until that problem is fixed.
Regardless of this argument or problem is with my husband or my best friend, I have found that I have the same reaction. I have to try and talk to someone else about it, and I have to have resolution. Otherwise I am a mess until one or both of those things happen.
I have found a solution to this pattern of behavior. Hopefully these small steps will lead to innate habits, and hopefully they offer you the same peace they have given me:
Needless to say, my husband is really pleased with these four steps. Our relationship is valued with more respect, and when there is more respect in a relationship your intimacy can only grow.
If you have no idea if you fit in this cycle, if you want to find out where you fit in it, or if you want help in figuring out how to better handle this, join us for our workshop the first weekend of August “Who Are You?“
Also, no one really cares for word-vomiters.
Do you have any tricks for handling this kind of a problem? Comments are open and can be anonymous, and I would love to hear your questions, comments, or concerns.
Marla and Jami
Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.
Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)