by Jami and Marla Keller
It really is fixable! We know because we’ve been in the deep darkness of struggle, pain, and betrayal.
(Marla) The day I discovered that he had betrayed me in my most deep-seated pain, crashing through my very clearly stated boundary, I again heard loud and clear, “See you’re not enough. You’re never enough. You will always be betrayed.” And I let him back in because his sincere words assured me that I was safe. Broken boundary, broken heart, broken life with no good way to healing. So it was pull myself up with my bootstraps and put my trust in him. I had poor, cracked, uncertain boundaries because I didn’t trust myself. My shame had kept me from seeing clearly, and from being able to love myself and find myself worthy of being loyal to.
Whether you feel isolated, unloved, or deeply hurt it does not have to be the source of lasting disatisfaction. You do not need to keep repeating this scenario over and over again, nor does it need to impair your ability to live into the life and the love you desire in all of your relationships.
Life and relationships are not easy; there are multiple bumps along the road as well as pain. Pain, like all feelings, is a signal that something is wrong and in need of fixing. At Passion Provokers, we believe that EVERYTHING IS FIXABLE. Some solutions are more desirable than others, and our job for the last 22 years is to help people get the outcome they desire whether it is to find love, grow love, or heal love. What we know is that there is the best possible outcome when you engage in the work, and anyone can get that outcome when they do it.
This is why we have come up with our Passion Provokers’ Rules for Love.
First Rule: Love is FIXABLE!
So, about those hurt feelings that linger and are difficult...
First, remember that love is FIXABLE! You can make changes and get the love you truly desire if you are willing to do the work to first and foremost love and value yourself. Sounds simple, but most of us have blind spots that trick us.
The first thing you need to engage in is feel and track your emotions. While we are fully aware that feelings do not rule all of our decisions, they provide very important information that helps us make good decisions. We developed the Feeling Wheel 4.0 for this very reason. Simply take a minute a couple times a day and identify three feelings that you have at the time and write them down. It’s that easy!
Most relationships, even horribly damaged ones, can be saved and become a source of love and safety. And those relationships that are not fixable are easily identified with the tools we have for you HERE.
If you are asking, “Can this relationship be fixed?” the good news is that we have found that long term relationships are almost always worth doing the work for, even if they end. What the what??? Yep, and this is because when you resolve the issues that tripped you up in your past relationships they won’t follow you into your next relationship. So when you choose to work on your stuff there’s good news either way!
It is never too late to learn how to feel your feelings, trace them to the core values that drive you in life, and leverage your experience towards a much better future.
This leads us to the second Passion Provokers’ Rule of Love…
Second Rule: Your feelings are real and only you are responsible to take care of them.
Hmmmmm. What does that mean? You’ll have to wait and find out in our next blog on this very subject.
Action Steps for today:
Track your feelings and look for our next blog on the second rule which will be all about how taking care of your feelings helps you succeed in getting the love you want.
Contact us for your FREE Discovery Call and let us teach you “how to fish,” so to speak. You don’t need us to hand-feed you, you need us to demonstrate to you what a whole and healed relationship looks like. Isn’t it time?
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Marla and Jami
Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.
Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)