by Ariel Minter
When I first met Holly Golightly, I was enamored. Being a self-proclaimed Wild Thing and slightly insane, while maintaining a classic beauty, made her irresistible. Watching this brilliant character unfold on screen I realized that slice of her insanity was what made her so appealing. She was completely unavailable and she made herself that way by abandoning anyone, or Cat, that dared to love her. This made her the ultimate controller.
In every relationship there are two people: one who is the Controller and the other who is the Abandoner. These relationships flip-flop and do not always remain constant, but the thing that we have discovered at Passion Provokers is that the person who abandons is the one who has the “power”, or “upper-hand,” in any given situation.
I was having a conversation with my mom (Marla Keller, Cofounder of Passion Provokers) about being in a relationship where one person decides they want out. She looked at me and said, “You know, when someone decides to leave, even if the other person wants to fight for it, it doesn’t matter. The person being left just has to deal with it. They don’t have a choice. That person who is being left without a choice is the one who is left with a broken heart.” Her words hit home, because it immediately brought me to my moments of feeling heartache.
Some people build walls so high that the moment someone shows love and affection towards them (whole and healthy love) that person has to walk away. We see this many times at the end of a relationship.
Generally, the person who decides to walk away is the one who is getting the short-end of the stick. They are rejecting before they are rejected, therefore ending any inkling of the idea of being loved. They’re jumping ship before the storm.
'You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness.' You call yourself a free spirit, a 'wild thing,' and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself." ~Paul, Breakfast at Tiffany's
SPOILER ALERT: Even though it was against everything she wanted to do, Holly decided to take a leap and accept the love that was being offered to her.
We believe in eradicating the idea of letting the fear of brokenness stop us from truly living and loving. Get out of the cages you’ve built for yourself. Love freely, but with healthy boundaries. Be a Wild Thing, but don’t allow yourself to live in a cage. Happy Valentines Day!
Edwards, Blake, dir. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” 1961. Television.
Marla and Jami
Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.
Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)