Marla and Jami on WILD101 in Boise, Idaho
by Ariel Minter
If you ever mention "the one that got away" it’s likely the person you’re talking to would exchange a story with you about a relationship from their past. It seems we all have someone in our past, that if the circumstances would have been slightly different, you may have ended up with that person.
There are many reasons it didn’t work out with that person. However, some people still allow "the one that got away" to hold onto who they are now. I’ve discussed my theory on soulmates before, which is basically that time is the only thing that determines that phenomenon, as opposed to only one person in the world being born your soulmate (and I also believe we all have thousands of people that could be The One).
It is important that you think about the people and memories that you are hanging onto, because chances are they are holding you back. Nostalgia can be a dangerous thing. I used to let the memories of my past impact my future, all while trying to avoid the present.
I recently started practicing yoga, and I have to tell you it completely altered my state of just being. Throughout the progression of my practice, I quickly realized that I never really let myself be present to the moment. I was constantly planning the future and missing the past, finding every reason to time travel away from being in the now. In a way, this was my safety net. It was my way of protecting myself and avoiding truly being vulnerable to those around me.
Have you ever been on a diet? Your favorite chips and dip are out and a friend asks you why you aren’t eating, and you respond “I can’t, I’m on a diet.” Did you know that when you say “I can’t” you are automatically allowing yourself to fall into temptation? Science has proven that if you change your wording to saying you don’t instead of you can’t, you are automatically more successful. You are taking charge and owning your decision.
I don’t think anyone “got away” from me. I chose to let them go. Suddenly, my past felt like a breath of fresh air instead of a weight on my shoulders.
I began changing the way I thought about things and the way I said things. Words and actions are extremely fragile and powerful. When I began thinking of the people and memories I thought I missed so deeply as things I chose to walk away from, I was finally able to forgive. The forgiveness was mostly for myself, but also for those that I thought I missed so deeply. It was also terrifying, because what was I to do with all this free time in my mind that was now focused on right now?
The power of choice is yours alone. Are you always tired? Choose to have energy. Are you always busy? Choose to be free. Are you always longing for your past? Choose right now.
Life is far too short to let your future or your past take away your joy. It is too short to let yourself steal time from yourself. So, choose to stop. Choose to let go.
For more Passion Provokers, join the conversation by e-mailing your relationship questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and listen to for the Wild Wake Up Show every Wednesday locally hosted on Wild 101.1 in Boise.
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Marla and Jami
Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.
Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)