How to Establish Good Boundaries 


By Jami Keller

Forgiveness leads us to truth, and truth leads us to healthy boundaries. 

Forgiveness is first a choice. Rarely do we feel ready to forgive. So it must be learned. By choosing to forgive we give up the poison of holding a grudge. Holding on anger, it is said, is like taking poison and hoping someone else will die. Forgiveness does not make a wrong right, or allow it to be ok. 

Forgiveness is acknowledging what happened and choosing not to let it stop you from a bigger and better perspective. (Tweet This)

After working with thousands of people in the area of forgiveness we have noticed a powerful and distinct pattern. Hurt and pain from the past is held in our hearts actually prevents peace, personal power, and joy. Choosing to forgive, even partially, allows us to see what we really want. 

Defining what we want or would rather have leads us to seeing our part in the pain. The truth is that love is always possible, we all deserved better than we got. This truth sheds light on the conditions around what has happened and this light allows us to see a space between the event and the choices we made about that even. Now we can allow other choices and stories to become options. This process then gives us motivation of our will. 

Boundaries are really a matter of will. This is why we often teach people that what you say your boundaries are is far less important than really believing you are worth keeping that said boundary. (Tweet This)

If we have the will to stand up for ourselves and call out the truth, we have a new boundary. This boundary is much like the picket fence with a gate in a front yard. It can be moved inward or outward. As we grow we have a greater influence on the shape and size of our boundaries. 

So awareness grows, and if the discipline of forgiveness is kept, there appears to be no end to what is possible. We get to choose when the gate is open or shut, and just how far we let someone into our territory. The awareness gained is often the realization that the pain is at least half our own making. As they say, it always takes two.

Relief, freedom, and awareness are always part of the result of forgiving. If this process is continued (it can never be a one time gig, or it can end up regressing into the same dysfunction it started with)  this leads to personal power. Forgiveness is the core of humble power. You can not have one without the other. 

So by choosing forgiveness you make friends with awareness and freedom, and in turn gain the power in being who you truly are. 

If you make friends with forgiveness, then you will make an enemy of holding onto pain. (Tweet This)