COUPLESHIP CONNECTION 30-Day CHALLENGE ❤ Day 1 Slip your arms around your partner and embrace them for 20 seconds today. Smile while you're doing it. ❤ Day 2 Listen to your partner's favorite love song with them, and really listen. Share what you like about it and your feelings. ❤ Day 3 Ask your partner where their favorite travel destination is, and then take time to dream about vacationing there with them. ❤ Day 4 Slow dance this morning before you each head out for your day, or this evening before bed. ❤ Day 5 Share your #1 biggest goal for your coupleship. ❤ Day 6 Gaze into your partner's eyes for 4 minutes. Set the timer and...GO! ❤ Day 7 Tell your partner something you haven't told them before. ❤ Day 8 Tell your partner what you love about them. ❤ Day 9 Write a love letter or note to your partner. ❤ Day 10 Start reading a book together. ❤ Day 11 Give them a no-strings-attached massage. ❤ Day 12 Plan and cook dinner together. ❤ Day 13 Compliment your partner on text 3 random times. ❤ Day 14 Greet your partner by showering them with hugs and kisses...for fifteen minutes or the rest of the evening. ❤ Day 15 Look them in the eye and say, “I really appreciate you—just for being you.” ❤ Day 16 Draw a map of your home with them in it and write, “I’d be lost without you.” ❤ Day 17 Print and frame a picture of the two of you that you love and give it to them, telling them why you love it. ❤ Day 18 Give them something from nature that reminds you of them. ❤ Day 19 Have a play date. Swing on the swings, ride the merry-go-round and get some ice cream. ❤ Day 20 Text them a link to your favorite funny, short video, and tell them why you like it. ❤ Day 21 Ask them to retell their favorite story. ❤ Day 22 Share 3 things you love about your partner with them. ❤ Day 23 Shake up date night and do something that you haven't done for a while. ❤ Day 24 Share 3 things that you would love to do with your partner within the next few weeks. ❤ Day 25 Exercise together, maybe trying out something your partner loves that isn't your favorite. ❤ Day 26 When you get into bed tonight pull the covers over your head and have a whispered conversation. ❤ Day 27 Meditate or pray together for 10 minutes. ❤ Day 28 Free associate and list sentences starting with "I wonder" on a piece of paper, i.e., I wonder if I'll ever learn to cook. ❤ Day 29 Apologize for something you never apologized for. ❤ Day 30 Next time you're at the corner store pick up their favorite candy or gum.
WISH LIST ACTIVITY Supplies you’ll need: Both partners, pens, and paper
Spend some time writing out a list of things that your partner currently does that make you feel loved and cared for. Once that’s complete, rank your entries according their importance to you, with 1 being most important and 5 being the least.
Then create another list of things you wished your partner did for you. Don’t include items that are conflict areas (for example, if money is your core issue, try to refrain from writing, “I wish my partner would buy me diamond earrings.”) Some ideas could include: rub my feet, take me dancing, and/or give me compliments. Once that’s complete, rank these entries like you did with other list.
Come together as a couple and share your lists with one another. Then exchange lists. Commit to doing some of the activities your partner outlines. Pick easy ones first... then challenge yourself. Try to do one activity per day over the course of one month.
CHILDHOOD HOME ACTIVITY Put on some thoughtful, relaxing music, sit down across from your partner and imagine these elements in sequence: Close your eyes and relax...
Remember your childhood home, walk through every room and soak in the memories. Who are you encountering? What are they doing? Do not panic if your home is empty; we can discuss this in our next session.
Then imagine encountering your primary caregivers and, suddenly, you're endowed with magical powers and you can see his or her positive and negative character traits with crystal clarity.
Note these characteristics and then imagine telling them what you wanted from them but never got.
Open your eyes and write all of this down, then share what you have experienced with your partner.
Make a list of all the caring and romantic things your partner used to do. Complete this sentence in as many ways as you can think of: “I used to feel loved and cared about when you...” Examples: “peeled my orange at breakfast”, “called me to come home and make love during my lunch break”, “brought me surprise gifts” etc.
Ask your partner what goal or project is they are currently working on ( some ideas of what that might be are finding free time to read and meditate or writing the next best-seller? Think of 3 ways that you can support them in the coming month to obtain their goal.
RE-COURTING ACTIVITY FOR RECONNECTION (Particularly important if infidelity is a part of your story. 30-90 Days, depending on your decision together.)
Each stage to be completed between 7 and 21 Days, and to be shifted when BOTH in the relationship agree...
Focus on “dating” protocol, i.e., holding hands when watching TV, walking, going on creative dates, etc. Check-in Daily with gratitudes only. Begin 30 Day Coupleship Connection Challenge below.
Focus on kissing, cuddling, and connecting conversationally about hopes and dreams (see Wish List Activity below). Check-in Daily (2 more difficult situations, and at least end with one positive/gratitude).
Focus on processing on the sexual and non-sexual aspects of your communication. Check-in Daily. (See Re-Romanticizing Activities above.)
Choose a date and a method of celebration to usher in the consistent usage of your new relationship skills and tools. Check-in Daily.
"I was discouraged to discover that the local marriage counselors I was sending my patients to were recommending divorce within the first two visits. I am an advocate for healing--both for the couples and their children. When one of my patients who had been on the verge of divorcing her husband told me they had discovered a couple who coach together and save relationships 97% of the time I immediately began recommending Jami and Marla! They have proven to me over and over again that relationships are fixable including those on the brink of collapse. I highly recommend Jami and Marla." ~Dr. Sheila Giffen, MD