What Kind Of Cage Have You Built Yourself?

By Ariel Minter

When I first met Holly Golightly, I was enamored. Being a self-proclaimed Wild Thing and slightly insane, while maintaining a classic beauty, made her irresistible. Watching this brilliant character unfold on screen I realized that slice of her insanity was what made her so appealing. She was completely unavailable and she made herself that way by abandoning anyone, or Cat, that dared to love her. This made her the ultimate controller.

In every relationship there are two people: one who is the controller and the other who is the abandoner. These relationships flip-flop and do not always remain constant, but the thing that we have discovered at Passion Provokers is that the person who abandons is the one who has the “power”, or “upper-hand” in any given situation.

I was having a conversation with one of my dear friends about being in a relationship where one person decides they want out. She looked at me and said, “You know, when someone decides to leave, even if the other person wants to fight for it, it doesn’t matter. The person being left just has to deal with it. They don’t have a choice. That person who is being left without a choice is the one who is left with a broken heart.” Her words hit home, because it immediately brought me to my moments of feeling heartache.

Some people build walls so high that the moment someone shows love and affection towards them (whole and healthy love) that person has to walk away. We see this many times at the end of a relationship.

Generally, the person who decides to walk away is the one who is getting the short end of the stick. They are rejecting before they are rejected, therefore ending any inkling of the idea of being loved. They’re jumping ship before the storm.

“You know what’s wrong with you Ms. Whoever-you-are, you’re chicken. You’ve got no guts, you’re afraid to stick out your chin and say ‘okay Life’s a fact’. People do fall in love; people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anyone’s got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a Wild Thing, and you’re terrified someone is going to stick you in a cage, well Baby; you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself.”

SPOILER ALERT: Even though it was against everything she wanted to do, Holly decided to take a leap and accept the love that was being offered to her.

We believe in eradicating the idea of letting the fear of brokenness stop you from truly living and loving. Get out of the cages you’ve built for yourself. Love freely, but with healthy boundaries.

Be a Wild Thing, but don’t allow yourself to live in a cage. Happy Valentines Day!

Edwards, Blake, dir. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” 1961. Television.

3 thoughts on “What Kind Of Cage Have You Built Yourself?

  1. :) thank you for writing this/ having the understanding and insight you do. You are a beacon of hope. Most women your age are so wounded and afraid and unable to communicate and express their feelings that it is refreshing to see just one grounded powerful woman out there. What do you have to say to the men out there who have put their hearts on the line so many times, only to be “rejected” again and again? Do you tell him to keep putting it out there? Are there any healthy women out there who are willing to actually love and appreciate a real sensitive open caring man?

  2. I feel so thankful for being surrounded by the mentors I have in my life, without their insights I would not be able to be where I am. It sounds like you’re speaking from a place of hurt, and that isn’t an easy place to be…however you are asking the right questions and to me that means it will lead you to a healthy woman who is willing to be in a place of real love with you. “Real” being the key word. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before one actually turns into a Princ(ess).

  3. This is a powerful piece, and yes there are many out there looking for something more, a true intimacy. Keep doing the work and you can attract someone worth spending your life together-together!

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