​Why it is time to get your coupleship coached!

by Jami and Marla Keller

​​You have probably heard about how DNA effects the quality of your relationships, and that the newest science shows that we have relationship pain from our ancestors that has been passed down in our very own DNA. What the…???! Yes, the science of relationships has changed drastically in the past 10 years, but most couples are still operating from old habits, freeways of neurons in the brain that dictate how you will respond (or not) to your partner, and usually it’s not a very nice response (cold shoulder, anyone?). Or you are happy in your coupleship, and feel that you could definitely improve in your communication, your compassion, and your consistency.
 
According to multiple definitions online, as well from our own experience (we have been in counseling, Marla has her counseling degree, and we have a licensed counselor on our staff), professional counseling is where you get treatment for psychiatric issues. Coaching is where you go when you have a goal for your life, and that could be that you are looking to improve in relationships, in sports, in life, or in your profession. We know that coaching will take you from confused to fully trusting yourself and your journey, just like a football coach will direct his players in what plays to run and how to attain their desired outcome (more points!).

There are several definitions of coaching. I will spare you the time and energy it will take to read most of them, and will boil it down this one thing: “Coaching is the instruction and demonstration of skills for a client’s success and independence, applying foundational tools in appropriate variations when confronted with new challenges” (from the bylaws of our Coaching Board Certificate from The Invite Inc. Board of Coaching). Plainly and simply you want to choose a goal-directed model from a coach that knows about what they teach and lives it, and has demonstrated the ability over time to achieve success for themselves and their clients.
 
Jami and I are Co-founders of Passion Provokers  and we discovered coaching when we were working with court-mandated relationships in 1995. Since that time we have seen incredible success in our own lives from our coaches, and the clients we coach have consistently had incredible success. We have built an entire coaching system for relationships that will rock your socks off! We developed the Feeling Wheel 4.0 in 2000, a tool that is used in many clinical environments worldwide, from an old, black and white dittoed copy of an anonymous feeling wheel that had 1/2 of the feelings our wheel currently shows. Wow, our process has really grown and changed over time, like we have (thank goodness).
 
While practices vary according to each coach, Vince Lombardi is considered the father of all coaching because he reinvented how it was done, and did it with great success. He became less authoritarian than the traditional Drill Sargent that was the standard approach for most sporting coaches at the time. By seeing his players as equals he played a role that was leading from inside the team, and this allowed each team member to meet the community goals as a whole. He met with each person, and helped them develop their personal role. 
 
That is how we greet each client, and guide them through the barriers in their lives that are holding them back from epic relationships. We help each person find their own core values and strengths in order to meet their personal goals, or their coupleship goals, as well as making the impact on the communities they serve.
 
We have been using our incredible process in it’s current form for sixteen years, and have well over a 90% success rate for meeting our client’s goals, whatever those goals may be. That is because we take the coaching definition above seriously. If we are unable to Coach clients to lead their own success in life, coupleships, and work our job is not done. It is truly  humbling to be a part of so many people’s lives, and to watch positive transformation take hold of them. And we get to do this FULL TIME! We are truly lucky, blessed and grateful!