Why it’s Time to get your Relationship Serviced

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By Ariel Minter

Remaining in a committed Coupleship has never been more difficult. The thinking is simple: If my partner stops bringing me happiness, I can find it elsewhere.  

Being in a loving relationship that provides strength and loyalty is one of the highest achievements of this world and yet, it is often treated as if it has no value. 

We know that relationships take work and require communication, respect and love. Without those three things, there is no relationship. (Tweet This)

If you neglect to add oil to your car, you will no longer have a functional engine.  The thinking behind this is extremely simple: the cost-benefit ratio. The cost of an oil change equals the benefit of having a reliable and working engine.

So, why don’t more people think this way about their relationship?

The obvious answer may be that it takes very little emotional energy to add oil to a car, whereas it can seem emotionally exhausting to work on a relationship that seems or feels broken.

About 70% of people regret divorce or separation roughly 5 years after the fact. I believe that a divorce or separation can be the best thing for a coupleship, which is proven by the other 30% involved in that statistic.

What I have found is that the 70% who do regret divorce often feel a deep sense of remorse and loneliness. This is because these individuals have a lot of history with the person they’ve moved away from. This history can be months, years, children, extended family, and (most intimately) memories. 

When you have history with someone, and at one point were very much in love with them, there is a bond that is irreplaceable. (Tweet This)

If only the 70% had treated the coupleship with more care, with a higher cost-benefit ratio, they may not have those same regrets, and their partnership might still be intact.

One of the hardest things in the world is to get help for a relationship that needs it. The reason? We know how much it will cost to replace the engine in a car (more than it is worth, more often than not) and it is easy, way too easy, to undervalue even the most important relationship.

The cost of a break up, or what is being called “conscious uncoupling”, starts at $2500. Depending on the methods used to separate, this cost can go all the way up to around $25,000 (the US average cost is $15,000).

Even for couples who are not in an official union end up spending a minimum of $500 over the course of a separation (i.e. the cost of moving out, single living expenses, paying the bills independently, etc.)

Why does it seem so easy to value a car over a relationship? Well, it’s mostly because we tend to undervalue ourselves.

It’s easy to assume that you rely on your car, and that it would be financially difficult to afford a new car or a new engine, so when it’s time for repairs (even if they are unexpected), it’s essentially mandatory to get it fixed right away. 

In our culture, where many budgets are still recovering from economic failings of 2008, it’s a lot harder to justify spending more than a couple hundred dollars to maintenance an in-need relationship.

We will blame our partners and ourselves and validate that “This is just the way things are.” This statement is often a lie we tell ourselves, because it’s easier to deny any accountability than it seems it might be to work towards a healthier relationship.

That same logic when it comes to an oil change? The “check oil” light turns on, and you think, “Oh well, I guess this is just the way it is. Why bother to put oil in it, if it will just need oil again?”

Most people would agree that that type of thinking is ridiculous and expensive. Of course you wouldn’t skip out on your oil change, because a new engine or car is costly.

The oil for relationships is valuing yourself and your partner enough to learn new skills. (Tweet This)

Help can look expensive, but the cost of keeping bad communication and self-valuing habits can cost much more and is ultimately heartbreaking. Not only is it damaging to your overall health and longevity, it also scars you emotionally.

Imagine never getting an oil change, and instead, getting a new car every time the oil light came on.  Again, that’s ridiculous. Most would be broke and carless after just a few months.

If you bail every time a warning sign comes on in your relationship, you will never have a relationship worth keeping. (Tweet This)

The main goal at Passion Provokers is to assist the 70% of people who would otherwise have feelings of regret and loss if they chose separation or divorce.

Regardless of if the “servicing” you do for your coupleship is learning new skills independently, trying tactics you’ve read in self-help books (check out our recommended list), responding differently to conflict, seeking advice from a professional counselor or coach, or scheduling your free consultation with one of our Passion Provokers Coaches, it’s required maintenance. 

It doesn’t have to be a big service (maybe you just need to “check the engine“). If you are committed to growing and nurturing your relationship, it really can last a lifetime. 

We work with negotiable payment plans because our first priority is to assist you. 


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