Why the C-word is Destroying You

By Ariel Minter

My family began moving around the Western part of the United States when I was six. I’ve lived in three States, nine cities, and have memorized close to 16 different addresses (note, that was past tense, I could only tell you about three of those addresses now). 

In each move, my older sister and I were able to reestablish ourselves, and were often referred to as “the new girls”. Since my sister is just 16 months older than me, we always were able to make new friends fairly simply, knowing we could sit together at lunch until we were able to branch out separately. And for that, I feel very lucky. 

I discovered quickly just how much better is was to be “one of the guys” as opposed to trying to jump into a girl clique right off the bat. In most places, I had a healthy amount of both guy and girl friends. However, I almost always had guy friends first (and the WHY behind that is a completely different blog, so stay tuned on that one!). Guys were accepting and fun, and I was never afraid of a secret three-way phone call from any of them. 

So as the years progressed, cops and robber become video games and best friends became crushes. My first real boyfriend was in 8th grade, but shortly after that relationship we moved yet again. And the cycle repeated. My sister and I became extremely close to the boys who lived in the new neighborhood, and soon I had a crush on one in particular, and we spent our nights climbing half-way built houses, playing hide-and-seek in our then giant house, telling inappropriate jokes, using curse words too easily, and claiming the neighborhood as ours. 

I learned some crucial things about being a “cool” girlfriend. If your boyfriend doesn’t answer, don’t call another five times. If they do something you don’t like, be careful how you say you don’t like it, otherwise your “nagging”. And God forbid you ever send multiple texts without a reply. ANY girl that did that was put on blast by the guys. ANY girl that behaved that way was “crazy”. 

I would die before being called crazy. So, I was completely taken advantage of. There was no good alternative (besides what my parents would have liked, which was not having a boyfriend in the first place, which I can certainly understand and appreciate now). I allowed myself to be a doormat in a lot of ways. Like I said, I would have rather died than be labeled as “crazy”. 

And you know what the CRAZIEST thing about this situation was? It never changed. In fact, the rules multiplied, which meant that basically anything a girl said to her boyfriend could be turned around and translated to “crazy”. And that was it. After they said those words, it was like some kind of anointing and that was you. Crazy, crazy, crazy. I really can’t even tell you how many times, after a breakup (especially if the girl broke up with the guy) my guy friend would not shut up about how CRAZY she was. It must have been similar to being blacklisted during the Cold War. You were poison after that. 

This cycle hasn’t even really changed. Right out of high school I sort of allowed myself to be crazy. It felt extremely freeing. I decided to not pay attention, because now I could act out in a certain way and there wasn’t an entire school knowing all the details with me as well. I found peace in the anonymity of college. But I still felt like crap, because not caring if you’re called “crazy” means you act a bit like a caged animal who finally has an open door to walk through.

I’m not sure how much has changed about this crazy cycle since I graduated. I don’t think a whole lot has, because to this day I hear a lot of my guy friends talking about how crazy certain girls are. But I did finally come to the conclusion that yes, women are crazy. All of us are. We are ALL (men included) on that scale. And you know what, guys? You kind of make us that way. 

There is no way you can stop the hormones, the drama, or the fact that people can be unpredictable. But we can all be kinder towards one another. And we can practice not throwing the C-word around like it is going out of style. 

Do YOU feel crazy? Or do you feel like your partner makes you absolutely insane? Maybe you finally are with someone where those roles aren’t completely filled with those stereotypes, which is fantastic. However, the crazy doesn’t go away just because you choose to be with someone else. Crazy lies dormant until you fix YOU. Maybe when your craziness simmers down, your partner will want the same. 

One thing that Passion Provokers is really good at doing is figuring out how to end the crazy, or just figuring out where the crazy comes from in the first place.