by Ariel Minter
I woke up this morning with red hair. Now, this was intentional. I went to my stylist mentally prepared to just add a few highlights and I walked out with red hair (just to be clear, this was impulsive and I asked for it and I LOVE it).
Before my stylist went to mix the color, she said “Now, Ariel, once we do this it will take a lot of work to go lighter. Are you really, totally and completely, sure you want to do this?” After she said that my heart started to beat faster and my palms got sweaty and I thought “Shucks….oh good grief, do I?!” This was all after I had already made the decision. I was wholeheartedly second guessing myself.
I did it. And when I woke up and groggily glanced at myself in the mirror I was startled. I was genuinely scared thinking this was some screwy version of the body-snatchers. Then I laughed.
This is how you know you need to refresh your relationship. You wake up one morning and do not recognize yourself (which, in my opinion, is a lot scarier than thinking you don’t recognize your partner). People change. We all do, and some changes are obvious and others sneak up on you. Having an identity crisis is something that is freaky, because if you don’t know you, then how can anyone else accept you?
Now, I do not intend to suggest that an identity crisis or change means you desperately need help. I just believe that it is a darn good indicator that something is up. It means that your insecurities are real and it is time to tap into your partner for some extra boosts. And this does NOT mean you fit the description only if you dyed your hair.
Do you feel lonely (even when you come home to your partner nearly daily)? Do you feel fear because you feel as though you are growing and your partner isn’t? Or is your partner getting involved in something that five years earlier he/she would have scoffed at? Do you find yourself second guessing what you were going to say because it would make things awkward? Are you being honest with yourself and your partner?
If ANY of those questions caused any bells to ring, you need to refresh your relationship. I am of the thought that everyone could always tidy up. There generally aren’t many signs you need to refresh anything until it becomes…well…not fresh. And usually when something is rotten it is past the point of maintenance.
So give your relationship an oil change. Check in. Recognize yourself and your relationship to the point where you feel confident.
Marla and Jami
Cofounders of JamiAndMarla.LOVE (fka Passion Provokers and Keller Coaching) Jami and Marla are proud to bring a new level of success to coupleships worldwide with their unique coaching, mentoring, and consulting process. Their blogs are not only informative for coupleships they are personal. For over 25 years they have been helping people create emotionally and physically intimate coupleships.
Ariel is a freelance blogger, web designer, and SEO consultant. She is 23 years young, married to her soulmate, and a proud “mother” to boxer Bruce and Yorkie Dexter. She focuses on writing content that is raw and relatable. (Info relevant at the time of writing, circa 2013-2015)