PART THREE: How the Feeling Wheel Helps Build Community Around You

By Jami and Marla

Simply surviving often interferes with living our dreams. We often forget what we truly desire in life because we have given up on our dream(s). Our Feeling Wheel leads you to your best potential in your biggest investment in this life, your closest relationships. It is a simple exercise that allows you to pay closer attention to what you are feeling in any given moment.
 
In doing this tracking you can look across the Feeling Wheel and see either where you have been or where you want to go. By recognizing a feeling, and the contrasting feeling, your brain can find ways to get you there if you give it a little practice.
 
The trouble is that most of us are expressing ourselves poorly, or not at all, and holding in or stuffing the hurt and disappointment. This results in patterns that can become limiting or destructive. The path to shift from Abandoned to Joy goes through the interplay between Shame, Forgiveness and Love.  

So to understand this, and use the Feeling Wheel best, it is important that you understand and practice forgiveness.

Let’s look at what forgiveness is and is not:
Forgiveness is…

• First, and foremost it is for you first. Do it for yourself, you are worth it. If you don’t forgive the hurt you have experienced in your life what are you doing with them? (Hint: holding onto them painfully.)
  
• A choice very often way before it’s a feeling.
  
• Allowing you to establish your truth which gives you the ability to have the best healthy boundaries you have ever had.
  
• Finding yourself, and your worthiness, in the release of the pain.

Forgiveness Is Not…

• A “Get Out of Jail Free” card for the person(s) who harmed you. They are still accountable for their actions.
  
• Letting anybody off the hook for what they’ve done. They are still accountable to their actions and behaviors
  
• Not asking you to reconnect with those who have hurt you. Some people are toxic, and being in relationship with them is not healthy for you.
  
• Forgiveness is a choice to let yourself off the hook for carrying any pain longer than necessary, yours or anyone else’s. When used properly, intentionally, and consistently it will lead you to build better boundaries as well as experience joy in the process.

 
This allows a transition to the “Southside” of the Feeling Wheel 4.0. Most often, the first sensation our clients experience is one of Relief, and who couldn’t use more of that!

Forgiveness often means reminding yourself that you have chosen to forgive, and then to effectively shift from old patterns that were solidly created usually a long time before you choose forgiveness. Feelings are often rehearsed from the past and, once forgiven, can be rerouted to new feelings and experiences. Being more conscious of your patterns of expressing feelings, your choice to forgive will allow you to operate from a place of Peace, Power and Joy. This will help you not repeat a pattern that you no longer want or need.

Forgiveness drains the shame out of your life, and it is a constant process because there are constant messages in life to feel guilty, and often times guilt turns into shame without intentional work without your awareness that this is happening.
 
Interestingly Shame, Fear, Hurt, Anger, and even Jealousy can give you important information about yourself and can guide your behavior towards the things you value most. That is, if you are always learning how to feel and express your feelings appropriately and carefully.

The Feeling Wheel is the first step of living a bigger dream; it is the foundation of all true success. It changes your “self talk” so that no feeling is toxic, and you are able to build better boundaries from this new, more aware place.

Start by picking your most common “Northside” feelings and send us an e-mail, ([email protected]) and we will send you a custom Contemplation to learn how to transition any feeling you may be experiencing at any time into a source of Peace, Power, and Joy.
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Welcome to the Feeling Wheel: a tool that is building better communities one person at time.

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